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Humor

In our adult humor (“humour” for the British) section, you’ll find funny, sexy, saucy stories, meant to raise a smile.

To merge the libidinous with the laughable is perhaps the most difficult style of erotica to write, yet many lush stories writers rise to the challenge.

7

Turkish Delight

A guided tour gets personal.

Nipples. That’s all that needs to be said. I love nipples. A nipple itself — or merely the shape of one seen through a bra or some other impediment — or even the slightest hint that one might possibly be in the neighborhood. Any of these nipple situations gets the attention of my lord and master — Mr B. He’s my crown jewels, my package, my decision maker — and it was he, Mr B. himself,...Read On

5

Husband to the Fay - A Halloween Story

Leprechaun writes a letter to Prudence, a sex advice columnist.

Dear Prudence, I don’t usually write to advice columnists– actually I don’t even usually read your column– but I don’t know where else to turn. And it’s not just because the problem is sexual... well, it’s not really sexual... but it’s partly sexual. I guess you could call it sexual, but it’s mostly weird. I am writing to you for advice because I have a very weird sexual problem... but not...Read On

14

Musings From... (The Sequel)

Hello, it's me again. And guess what, guess what? I have a name now - King Kong. Master's friend's cock, Little Willy, is jealous of my name. Master finally settled down with a lovely girl and she named me. I am so excited you will have to forgive me for bouncing up and down a little. Sadly, I have endured some traumas since we last spoke. These horrors left me scarred. One trauma came at...Read On

2

Speaking To The Specimen

And so the purpose of all alien adventures was revealed.

The guard stared straight ahead. His name would be divulged except he happened to be an extraterrestrial in service with an exploratory extraterrestrial space vehicle, meaning the syllables could threaten to twist beyond recognition whichever tongue should attempt pronunciation, and not a few would contract a sore throat. So this tale will have to call him The Extraterrestrial Guard. ...Read On

3

First Served, First Cum, First To Die: Vol 1

Series: First Served, First Cum, First to Die

If you're gonna be a dick, be a big one.

The following has been approved for adult reading. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent and my penis size embellished to protect my reputation. My testicles requested no anonymity. These are their stories.   It had been nearly a year since my last case; an extended vacation not because I desired one, but rather  because the dust just had to settle. I'd wrapped up...Read On

16

Back in the Saddle Again

A Southern belle is accidentally glued to Sybian sex saddle

I remember the night of my epiphany, feeling much like Columbus when he discovered Ohio. I'm  Chlamydia Burns, a southern gal from Chatanooga working as an Olive Garden server, befitting my Vanderbilt education. But enough about me. I'm thirty-six, single,  auburn hair, hippy, (sounds so much better than big-assed) buxom (which doesn't sound better than 'big tits'). I was tossing and turning...Read On

11

Taking 'Bout My Generation

An elderly woman recalls sex, drugs and R&Road at Woodstock on its 50th anniversary

"It was fifty years ago today." I paraphrase them, but the Beatles weren't at Woodstock. But I was. A spry, music-loving eighteen-year-old from Western Kentucky. Even my hippy parents wanted to go, but being elderly and in their forties (how my perspective has changed) they stayed home on the commune. Music has always evoked my most treasured memories, along my souvenir panties collection. ...Read On

20

Musings From ...

Your other head.

I remember when I first woke up and saw him – my Master. Awkward hands rubbed me. I was not sure what to do with these new feelings awakened by Master, but I quickly learned. I am not going to lie; he was a little rough at first, and rarely let me sleep. Now, I love his long strokes up and down me, and that mind-blowing release at the end is second to none. We have grown very close. He...Read On

2

Hall Of The Screen Goddesses

Dead stars' priapic reminiscences

It is two weeks before Christmas. “She’s late again!” “She’s always late. We used to tease her: ‘Zazie, darling, you’ll be late for your own funeral!” All is white. A radiant, heavenly white. Six elegantly-dressed women are languidly seated or stretched over six chaise lounges chairs, all upholstered in heavily-brocaded cream silk, decorated with fine gold threads. Perched on the...Read On

31
Recommended Read

You Put What in Where?

Viggo, come back ...

“Damn! Oh no, oh no!” I holler. Don’t panic. He couldn’t have gone far. You just have to find him . Frantically, I search and search. Tears roll down my face as panic sets in. “Viggo, why did you do this to me? Please come back to me," I voice aloud. Viggo had not been with me very long, but I quickly grew attached to him. He is so cute. Moments ago, I had him within my grasp, and he...Read On

49
Editor's Pick

Perversion Therapy

Anything can become a fetish if you’ve got a perverted imagination...

“Hello. My name is Quoz and I’m addicted to sex.” The public admission was Everest. Many addicts had lost friends, family, jobs, self-worth, and dignity. They’d become shells of their former selves. Hollow. Empty. Admitting their demon’s existence was like summiting that tallest peak without oxygen. It was breathtaking. The church support group was small, serious but anxious, and had...Read On

16

Janice's Italian Job Part 1

Janice moves to Italy for her job and learns something about herself.

Janice was almost certain she was straight. The one and only time she had touched another girl's breasts or even kissed another girl was that summer when she was sixteen and a camp counselor, and she chalked that up to youthful exploration. Since then, in her last two years of high school, Janice had dated boys, a lot of boys. She had finally slept with one of them, then spent the next...Read On

1

The Long Road to Paradise

Dreams rise to a triumphant climax.

...It had come at last. The night of nights. Mitt's princess stood before him, her long blonde tresses curling down her back, her green eyes alert, yet respectful. The white wedding dress brought out her beauty all the more, a cone of lace crowned with the smooth softness of her bare arms and shoulders. He had called her a "vision of loveliness" in his toast, and indeed she was. His wife's...Read On

15

The Cuckold's Comeuppance: The Secret Revenge of Walter Mitty

The Cuckold’s Comeuppance: The Secret Revenge of Walter Mitty     The soon to be ex Mrs. Miller was at lunch with her lawyer. “Bob, what the hell is taking that god damned judge so long?” “Relax Carol. You know this is the divorce and criminal trial of the century. The judge did say she’d have a decision today. It’s not even noon.” “Listen, mother-fucker, you said my name wouldn’t...Read On

7
Recommended Read

“Of Kinks, Repose, and Awakening” By Sleepy The Dwarf

  Now I lay me down to sleep, Wishing she would take a peek, If I die before I conclude, She will not find me in the nude. Now I lay me down to sleep… Well, that’s when I express my kink. Sometimes I also do it when I’m awake but I always, always, always, do it when I go to bed. I don’t think it qualifies as a fetish. It’s certainly a fixation; but according to Merriam Webster...Read On

41
Recommended Read

Jams, Pickles and Preserves

Lower Pidlington Women’s Institute was unique. It had far more members than most rural WIs, numbers having swelled from fourteen to four hundred after Lucy Warner (a village newcomer) took over as Entertainment Coordinator. LPWI was also ‘independent’ having been expelled from the British WI Federation when the Chair of the National Committee, Clarissa Hunt (who nobody liked), spotted...Read On

13

Freedom... Question Mark

I've dreamed of this moment. Maybe now is my time.

It's bumpy in here again. Fourth time today I'm being tossed around, bashing into Josh and Alfie and that new guy with the extra long tail. Ben, I think he's called. He's a strong swimmer. Gonna have to watch him; learn from him. I try to focus, throbbing headache, tumbling until I don't know which way I'm facing, crashing into the sides of the pink sphere. I try to latch onto its...Read On

7

Hipster Flu Epidemic Rocks Seattle

A couple explore Epidemic ravaged Seattle

First, a shout out to Audrey X for correctly Googling, I mean answering the previous obscure movie reference "A Clockwork Orange." She even said it was "easy." "Vanity thy name is woman." The alluring Audrey will receive her bonus points plus five White Castle coupons honoring the return of GOT. And now...The Adventure Continues I'm Emma Gravel. You might know me from such Lush stories as,...Read On

3

Natasha's Pon Farr

Natasha felt the stirrings of her once a week "crazy slut attack" coming on.

They were having beers at the Rio Bravo when Natasha felt the first stirrings of her weekly crazy slut attack coming on. “You gotta get me outta here, John.” John took one look at her, the way she glanced around the bar, eyeing all the men, her eyes always at crotch level as she felt herself. He could see the feral, piercing stare as her pupils began dilating, and she started to pant. “Get...Read On

20

Young Couples Were Swapping Spouses and Didn't Know It

Husband is fucking his friend's lactating wife and learned later his friend returned the favor.

Something very ironic, and I think humorous happened between two, young, married couples, and the husband and wife of the first-person couple will give their arousing accounts of what happened. Jason’s Story My name is Jason, and I met, Kim, and woman who would become my wife, in our senior year in college. Her bubbly, flirty personality perfectly complements her beauty, and I thought I...Read On

4

Put On Your Easter Bonnet... And Nothing Else

Emma takes her new love home for Easter.

I'm no stranger to romance, but we aren't on a first name basis either. Which is why I'm excited about taking my new girlfriend to my family's Easter dinner. I don't think they've ever totally accepted my gayness since my sister still addresses my Christmas card to "Pervert" Gravel. Where are my manners? I'm Emma GraveI. I own a revival movie house in San Francisco. I try to play themed...Read On

25

Case of the Hand in the Cookie Jar

Solving a case of stolen cash in a seedy club

Notorious?  The only thing I know about "Notorious" is the Hitchcock movie,  but I was about to find out much more. Remember me? I'm Penelope Spade,  a novice Private Eye in Cincinnati,  Ohio.  The business started slow but since cracking the Col. Mustard murder case, where he met a gruesome demise by a candlestick in the conservatory, my fame has spread like a Kardashian's legs on first...Read On

4

The Purloined Pussy

A Game of "Escape the Room" turns tragic

I'm  Piper Cinnabon, (name changed to protect the innocent). It was a cold and dreary morning walking the cold and dreary New York streets with my girlfriend, Cynthia, a bewitching, African-American woman with the complexion of hot chocolate (she was equally as soothing and warming on cold mornings, I might add). I had already treated her to a delicious Egg McMuffin breakfast (without...Read On

4

The Case Of The Slippery Slipper

A NYC business trip leads to romance and mystery.

Being a novice Private Investigator has its perks, such as attending my first Private Eye Symposium and Talent Show in New York City (where I won't be buying salsa, by the way). I left my new girlfriend, Katrina, at home because she has a phobia about fun. I had already memorized my highly anticipated Power Point presentation of "How to find fingerprints inside a vagina using duct tape,...Read On

5

The Ghost And Ms. Chicken

A romantic retreat is ruined by a haunted campground.

I'm Penelope Spade, budding Private Eye. Beside me, in my blue Mini Cooper as we cruise up Highway 71, sits Katrina, my tall, blonde lover, her shorts accentuating her long, sensual gams. I met her on my first caper, six months ago. But time is taking its toll. Nothing I can put my finger on (or in), but we talk less and sex is now as infrequent as a good Star Wars movie. (I warn you before...Read On

5

The Missing Person Caper

My first case as a private investigator

Growing up a lesbian and very introspective about my career possibilities, I knew I didn't want to teach gym, because that was a stereotype that would eventually lead to shame and/or incarceration.  Then one night I had an epiphany while watching "The Maltese Falcon"...I would be a private eye, a shamus in forties vernacular. Fresh out of THE Ohio State, armed with a worthless degree, I...Read On

5

Winter is Cumming The Conclusion

A day in bed with my new girlfriend, exploring lust and a sad tale of my past

The day was gloomy and rainy, in other words, the perfect day to stay in bed and that was my sole plan for Winter and me.  To lie together and get better acquainted. Looking into her dark eyes as we snuggled beneath heavy blankets, I asked, "What do you want to know about me?" She mulled it over and finally responded with "Tell me about your last girlfriend.  Like how long it lasted, why...Read On

6

Reservation

The newlyweds arrive at their hotel...

The wedding had gone off without a hitch. Seamus and Colleen were now married and embarking on the rest of their lives. The church had been decorated out with beautiful flowers, the colour of her choice. Burgundy red roses mixed with cream coloured chrysanthemums. The service flowed and even the congregation had joined in with her chosen hymns. Better yet, the sun joined in and shone down...Read On

4

Winter is Cumming part 2

I take my new gf on a day of shopping, burgers and aging hair bands

As the bright, invasive afternoon sunlight came streaming through my stained (with dust and dirt) glass window, I found myself spooning (and possibly forking) with my new dream girl, Winter Summer, whom I had met earlier at the Public Market. Rubbing my aching jaw from our earlier sexcapades, fearing I might have lockjaw then grinning like an escaped lunatic as I recalled her hairy...Read On

18

I Married A Witch

The best day of my life was when I found out my wife was a witch.

My wife is a witch. Not a nasty woman that you’d refer to as a witch. I mean she is a real, card-carrying, bonified witch. I didn’t know she was a witch when we got married, but I found out soon enough. Witches seem to have a bad rap for some reason. I’m here to tell you that my witch is the most incredible woman I have ever met. In fact, I am by far the luckiest man on the planet. I don’t...Read On


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