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The Foolish Freshman

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A foolish competition entry. Interpret that whichever way you like...

My Mama always said she wanted me to go to college. But when I did, she cried. So weird. I wasn’t good at figuring out people, not even Mama.

I grew up on a ranch miles from anywhere and Mama homeschooled me all by herself. I knew I wasn’t the sharpest tool in the bunch but my Mama always wanted me to get what she called an education. But when I got to college, I still didn’t really know much about anything except cows and state capitals. I’d tell myself the capitals any time I got angry or upset or had naughty thoughts. So, quite a lot.

Papa wasn’t around much. I really wanted him to be proud of me, but he said he couldn’t understand why Mama tried so hard to teach me anything. He did say I was “a bit special”, so I guessed he cared. And he did eventually agree to “pull some strings” to get me into the college he went to. But no one told me where the strings were and I never saw any. Papa was much smarter than me.

Mama said she didn’t want me to turn out like Papa. She said he was still “sowing his wild oats”, which I thought was strange because it was all cattle country out there. No one grew oats, not even tame ones.

Then she made me swear that I’d be nice, tell the truth and not hit anyone unless defending myself or a woman. “Oh,” she’d added, “and be gentle with women. You’ve inherited something from your father.” She’d looked down and I had no idea what she meant, but I still gave my word.

My first college roommate, Joe, must have been real nice to women because he was dating three of them. Not like four people at a table – he had a “schedule” and had it all worked out. Joe was much smarter than me too.

Maybe the girls liked his hair, which was short and permed at the front, but long at the back. It was 1982, I guess. He said I looked like a fool with my short back and sides. Mama had always cut my hair that way. She’d made most of my clothes too. Papa sent me enough money to get new clothes, but pants from the store never felt right.

Joe asked me to learn his schedule and to not tell any of the girls about the others. He did say “please” so I promised to try hard but I wasn’t going to break my word to Mama. And I never did tell any of them.

He also wanted me out of our room from 10 p.m. to midnight each evening, when he’d bring a girl back to... well, I could guess. I mean, I wasn’t a total idiot and I’d seen the bulls and cows together. And I knew that wrapping both hands around my dick and pumping it till stuff shot out felt good. Real good. And it didn’t hurt anyone, so I did that a lot. I guessed doing something like that with a girl would feel nice. But I wasn’t good at talking to girls.


One Friday evening a bit before ten, I was getting ready to walk around the campus and maybe play some of the new game machine called Space Invaders, when there was a knock on the door. I opened it to see a curvy brunette. A real good-looking brunette.

“Hi,” she said, “you must be Rick. I’m Mel, Joe’s... girlfriend, I guess. Is he in?”

“Ah, Mel. Monday and Thursday.”

She frowned. “Um... what?”

“That’s when you see Joe. Friday night is...” I pulled myself up before adding ‘Anita’ since Joe wouldn’t like that. “Not a night that you see Joe.”

Mel was looking at me a bit funny by then. “Yes, it’s Friday night. I’d usually be... doing something else, but I thought I’d come and surprise him. Where is he?”

“He didn’t tell me what to do if this happened.”

She started speaking slower. “Do you mean he didn’t tell you where he was going?”

I thought about it. I knew who he was with, because I’d learned the schedule like he’d asked, but I didn’t know where he was, so I could tell the truth. “I don’t know where he is.”

“Did he tell you when he’d be back?”

“No.” I should have stopped there. I’d told the truth. But it was all a bit quiet and Mel had stepped into the room, and her dress was low-cut, and she had nice breasts, and I knew I shouldn’t look at them, but I did. And somehow I kept talking, “But he’s usually back about ten. I was going to head out...”

I thought I was smart to stop there and not say why.

“At this time? To see a girl?”

“No... I was just gonna walk around. And there’s this new game machine called Space Invaders—“

“Oh,” she said, then smiled. “Well, that can wait, surely? Let’s have a nice chat until Joe gets back. Please?”

I didn’t feel so smart then. Joe wouldn’t be happy if I was still there when he got back, but she’d said “please”.

I soon forgot about my plans. Mel was shaking out her hair and her breasts jiggled. I looked away because I’d felt a rise in my pants and I thought Mel might not like that. It had happened in front of a girl in class a week before. She’d looked down, gasped and run away, so I figured girls didn’t like that.

Alabama – Montgomery, Alaska – Juneau, I thought.

“Have you got a girlfriend?” Mel asked, out of nowhere.

“No.” I didn’t mention that I’d never had one, but she didn’t ask. But then she did that keeping quiet thing again, and she was standing close and her perfume smelt good and I talked too much. Again. “I’m not real good with women.”

“You seem like a nice guy, you’ve got a nice smile and strong arms.” She touched my arm lightly.

Arizona – Phoenix, Arkansas – Little Rock.

“But, umm...” I looked down. Not too much of a bulge.

Mel followed my gaze. “Are you worried about... size? That doesn’t matter... well, to some girls...”

“I think my brain is a bit small—“

Mel laughed. “No, silly, I’m talking about your cock.”

Mama didn’t like that word, but I liked the way Mel said it. A lot. California - Sacramento, Colorado – Denver.

“Oh, I know that can’t matter much because Joe has...” I had to pull myself up again. “Has you as a girlfriend.”

She seemed confused for a moment. “Joe is quite a decent size... You know, for some guys, it grows a lot.”

“But when I saw it, he was...” I was looking for a polite word to use for what he was doing at the time, but then remembered it had been a Friday night, so it must have been Anita on her hands and knees in front of him. I guess they’d thought I was asleep, so they were quiet, but she’d made soft noises when he pushed into her. Real nice noises. Connecticut – Dover.

“Erect? You know, hard?” Mel suggested.

“Yes,” I said, “it was hard.”

“So, why would you...” She looked down at my crotch but I guess the capitals had helped enough because she didn’t gasp or run away. Instead, she asked a strange question. “How many other penises have you seen?”

I told the truth. “Well, mine, and lots of bulls on the ranch—“

“They don’t count. They’re not human.”

“And I saw a... a movie one time. My cousin had a videotape... he called it a blue movie, but there was more pink than blue...” I didn’t think Mama would like me talking about this but I had promised to tell the truth.

Mel smiled. “I’m not sure the guys in those films are human either.”

“The guy I saw looked human, and his... penis wasn’t very big. I think his name was John Holmes or something like that. Maybe other guys in other movies are bigger.”

Mel didn’t say anything for a moment. Just stood there with her mouth open.

Oh, why did I talk about that movie? I was about to apologize when the door opened.


A short, black-haired girl walked in, laughing, with Joe just behind her. I recognized her, even with clothes on. Anita.

She stopped laughing and looked a little surprised. But Joe looked real surprised and not very happy.

“Sorry,” said Anita, “are we interrupting you two?”

Mel looked her over. “No, we were just chatting while I waited to see Joe.”

“Joe? Why?”

Joe was staring at me. He looked angry by then. I didn’t know why. Maybe he could tell what I’d been imagining doing with one of his girlfriends.

Mel stood tall and spoke calmly. “You see, last night he fucked me pretty good, so I wondered if he was up for another round tonight. I don’t mind... sharing.”

Nobody said anything for a few moments. I was trying to figure out what Mel was going to share. Joe’s eyes were wide and he was staring at Mel. He looked like a kid who’d been offered ice cream, right up till he turned to Anita. She didn’t look happy at all.

Then Anita slapped Joe across the cheek. “You fucking asshole. ‘I have to study on Thursdays’? Studying her tits, more like it. Fuck you.” Then she stomped out and slammed the door.

“Hmm, she didn’t take that well,” said Mel.

Even I could tell that.

“So,” asked Mel, “how many girlfriends have you got, Joe?”

He stopped rubbing his cheek and took a deep breath. “What? You think she was a girlfriend? We were just friends. We were coming back here to... study. You’re the only one for me, baby,” he said, opening his arms to her.

Mel snorted and brushed past him. “Ha! Yeah, right. I like honesty, so... I’ve been seeing four guys. Well, seeing is such a euphemism...”

I had no idea what that meant.

“...I’ve been fucking four guys.”

I knew what that meant. I guess Joe did too because he didn’t look too happy. Probably because he only had three girlfriends. Or maybe two by then.

Joe spat out, “Four?”

Mel went on like she hadn’t noticed. “The only reason I’m here tonight is because Mike, a.k.a. Mister Tuesday and Friday, bugged out when I said I was bored and wanted to try something wilder, and took off to see some other girl. He didn’t even invite me, so I was left high and dry. Or not so dry, I guess... ” She raised an eyebrow like we were supposed to know what that meant.

Joe seemed a bit unsure about what to do. But then he found one of those smiles he had that always confused me. I smiled when I was happy. He didn’t seem happy, but still showed Mel lots of teeth. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter how we got here. We can still have a wild night.” Then he turned to me and said, “Isn’t it about time you headed off to do whatever the hell you do at this time of night?”

“Well, there’s this new game—“ I started.

Mel cut in, “No! I’d like Rick to stay.”

We both stared at her.

“Joe, have you ever noticed what Rick’s packing?” she asked.

“No,” he said, “why would I look at that? I’m not a...”

And then he used a word that Mama said should not ever be used.

“My Mama says that some men like men and that doesn’t mean they should be called names. They might be nice or not nice, just like men who like women.”

“Thank you, Rick,” said Joe, even though he didn’t sound very thankful.

“Do you like women, Rick?” Mel asked as she stepped in so close that she had to look up to see my face. “Do you like me?” Her voice sounded like one of those women in one of those movies they called black and white but were mostly grey.

“Yes, Mel, I do.” I thought about capitals real hard, but it wasn’t helping as Mel ran her hand down my chest.

Idaho – Boise, Illinois –Springfield, Indiana – umm.

Her hand was pressing right against my cock. She gasped but didn’t run away. Instead, she started to undo my pants while I just stared down at her.

Indiana, how could I forget that one? Never mind. I went back to the start. Alabama – Montgomery, Alaska – Juneau.

Mel pulled down my pants and my cock sprang up, almost hitting her in the face.

I mumbled, “Sorry,” but I don't know if anyone heard me.

Both Joe and Mel swore and just stared at my cock.

No one said anything for quite a while.

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

“No,” said Mel, dropping down to her knees. She held my cock in both hands and kept staring. “Something’s very right.” She opened her mouth wide and slowly moved her head forward. She didn’t get far, but it still felt real good. So good I wasn’t sure I could hold back.

Where I was up to? Doesn’t matter. Maine – Augusta, Maryland – Annapolis.

She pumped one hand up and down the shaft of my cock, while her tongue flicked across the head. Her other hand reached out and gently cupped my balls.

Joe had stripped off and was watching us, slowly stroking his much smaller dick.

I was trying to think through capitals, but my lips must have been moving.

“What are you saying?” Mel asked.

“State capitals. Or else I might spurt in your mouth.”

She looked at me a little strangely, but let go and stood up. “Okay, boys,” she said. “Why don’t we push your beds together and get settled in?”

I almost tripped over my pants, which were still around my ankles, but kicked them off, and soon Joe and I had our beds together in the middle of the room.

I turned around to see Mel already had her dress off and was wearing just a tiny pair of panties. Her breasts were pale and soft and round and I definitely stared. But she just smiled at me.

Then she leaned forward, looped her thumbs under her panties, and pushed them down. I stared at the patch of curly hair between her legs. Did I mention it was 1982?

Mel told me, “Warm me up so that I can get that thing into me,” pointing to my cock. She lay on the bed and slowly spread her legs wide, gesturing to Joe to kneel near her.

I lay next to her and went to cuddle her to warm her up.

“I meant ‘eat me’,” she said. She must have seen my confusion. “You know, I want you to lick my pussy, get me wet and then fuck me.”

I liked that plan, so I knelt between her legs and studied where two pink lips opened out like a flower, soft and damp. Her scent made me want to taste so I gently licked along the length of those lips.

I didn’t know quite what to do, but Mel let out an, “Mmm,” with her mouth full of Joe’s cock, so I kept doing what I was doing, exploring her with my tongue and fingers.

Soon, she gripped my hair and guided me up a little higher. I found a harder little spot with my tongue. As I licked that, she said, “God yes, just there.”

So I flicked that little spot with my tongue, listening to Mel’s gasps and moans to figure out what she liked most.

Then she gripped the back of my head with her hand and pushed her legs in tight against the side of my head. I could feel the muscles under my tongue moving out of control.

After a bit, she stood up and pulled me up into a kiss, even though my face was covered in her juices by that stage. As she pulled me in close, my cock pushed up between us.

She looked down and smiled. “Time to see if that will fit.”

She pushed me onto my back and knelt above me, slowly pushing back against my cock. She rocked back and forth and each time a little more of my cock slipped into her. I was torn between watching her wide eyes and watching my cock open her pussy wide.

After a while, it seemed no more would fit, but she kept trying.

Joe was still kneeling on the bed and Mel reached out toward him. She was soon rubbing her nose against his stomach, his entire dick in her mouth.

Mel settled into a rhythm, rising off my cock but pushing her mouth onto Joe’s cock, then sliding back until his cock appeared again above me and her hips pushed down against mine.

Joe started pushing in, like he was trying to fuck her mouth. From where I lay, I could see his balls swinging in their sack not far from where I was lying. I reached up with one hand and gently cupped them, as Mel had done for me. About that stage, he swore and his cock jerked again and again.

Mel moaned and stopped bouncing on my cock as she swallowed everything Joe had given her, licking up a few drops that dribbled down her chin.

After that, Mel got onto her hands and knees and I pushed into her from behind, still trying to be as gentle as I could. She pushed back against me, but I held her hips to make sure I didn’t hurt her. She groaned, but said, “Oh god, I love the way you make it last.”

Joe meanwhile was pumping his hand on his cock, which was already getting hard again.

“Have you got some lube?” Mel asked him.

He dashed off and came back with a tube of something. I didn’t understand what Mel had in mind, even after she said, “There’s no way I’m trying this monster in my back door, so we’ll have to shuffle around.”

But she guided me onto my back and she lowered herself onto my cock once more.

“I don’t know if I can fit you both in,” said Mel. “Last time I did this, the guys were both pretty average.”

Joe looked a little unhappy. “You’ve done this before?”

“Yes. So?” asked Mel.

“That’s good,” I added. “You can tell us if we’re doing it right. Whatever it is that we’re doing.”

Joe shook his head but didn’t stop whatever he was doing behind Mel.

Mel pushed back against Joe until she suddenly shouted, “Oh fuck!” It felt like her pussy was stretched even tighter around my cock.

“Is his... up your... you know?” I asked.

“God yes, I’ve got one cock up my ass and an enormous cock in my pussy.”

Joe’s breathing was becoming faster. “Oh fuck yeah. I can feel that huge cock pushing against mine.”

“Slow down there, back door man. Let’s make this last.”

But Joe didn’t slow down. He pumped faster, sliding Mel up and down my cock.

“Michigan,” I said. Out loud. Oops.

“Lansing?” asked Mel, smiling as she leaned forward to kiss me.

Joe pumped faster and faster and soon let out a shout. Feeling his cock jerking so close to mine almost set me off too, but concentrating on capitals saw me through.

“You didn’t... you know?” Mel whispered in my ear.

I shook my head and she gave a huge smile. “Great!”

Joe stepped back and Mel rolled onto her back. My cock slipped out for a moment, but she just guided it back in and it was soon back where it felt like it belonged.

I think Joe must have gone to clean up, but I didn’t know. I only cared about Mel.

“Fuck me harder, Rick.”

“Mama told me to be gentle.”

“Christ. You’ve been gentle long enough, now I need you to fuck me hard! Please.”

Well, she did say “please”.

So I sped up and pushed into her harder and harder. She was much smarter than me, but her words didn’t make much sense by then. “Fill me. Hhhrrngh. So huge. Oh, Wowowo. Fuck me, fuck me.”

Then she went quiet and her eyes went wider than ever. Her hands gripped my arms hard and her pussy gripped my cock even harder. I worried I might have not been gentle enough, but she seemed happy.

“Come with me,” she said.

I didn’t have the breath to ask, “Where?”

I couldn’t remember any states, let alone capitals. All I could think about was the slow burn rising from my body all the way to the tip of my cock. Then I exploded deep inside Mel’s pussy. I pumped into her again and again until I was finally worn out.

We held each other tight until our breathing got back to normal and my cock slowly got soft again.

Joe had reappeared and had a hand on his cock, which seemed to be almost as big as it got yet again.

Mel looked at it, but shook her head and said, “Maybe a little later.”

Instead, she guided us so that the three of us were all on our right sides. I pressed up behind her with my left hand holding her breast and my cock still leaking juices against her thigh. She in turn draped an arm over Joe. I dozed off quickly.


The next morning, I woke up on my left side with an arm over me. It took me a moment to realize that it was a bigger arm than Mel’s. Hairier too. It took me longer to realize what was poking into my lower back.

I turned to look, but couldn’t see Mel anywhere. Joe mumbled something and pulled me in closer before starting to gently snore again. It felt nice and it wasn’t hurting anyone, so I just lay there and closed my eyes, even as I heard the door open quietly. I figured it was Mel back again, but I was wrong.

“What the fuck?” A fit-looking blonde woman in very short running shorts was standing by my side of the bed.

“Lisa!” said Joe, suddenly a few feet away. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Ah, Lisa. Wednesday and Saturday nights and often morning jogs too.

“Really? So what is it, then?” She seemed quite upset that we had been cuddling. “Am I just for appearances? I can’t believe you’re a...”

She used that word that Mama hated.

Joe said, “I’m not! What happened was...” and then looked like he was going to say more. He even moved his mouth a few times, but nothing came out.

So I said, “Mama says that some men like men—“

Joe butted in. “No one gives a fuck what your Mama says, dumbass!”

I was mad but I knew I shouldn’t hit him, so I had to get away from him. I just forgot I was naked.

Lisa stared as my soft penis bounced against my thigh. “Holy fuck,” she muttered and didn’t say anything for a bit. Then she shook her head and looked back to Joe. “Goodbye and good riddance,” she said, then stomped out but turned to glance at me.

I started to say sorry and explain that I’d forgotten I was naked, but she’d already slammed the door.

Joe jumped out of bed and put some pants on. I stayed naked because it felt nice and he’d seen it before anyway.

I was still pretty mad at him. It seemed he was mad at me too.

“Nicely done, dumbass. If you’d just invented a story to tell Mel last night, none of this would have happened. Maybe I’d finally be getting into Lisa’s pants tonight.”

“You wanted me to lie?”

“Of course I fucking did. What else would normal people do? You knew I’d be with Anita and knew there’d be trouble if Mel was there.”

“Mama says no one can ever really know what’s going to happen.”

Joe gritted his teeth. “I’m upset about Anita. She was a good fuck. Lisa... she always wanted to do exercise, but never horizontal exercise. No big loss... she was probably frigid.”

I didn’t know what that meant, but it didn’t sound like he was being nice. I was about to say something, but Joe wasn’t done.

“At least Mel’s still with me, so I’ll still get my end wet. She was always the wildest of them, I just didn’t realize that she was such a total slut.”

I knew what that meant. “You shouldn’t oughta speak about women like that!” I had my hands balled up into fists but I kept them down.

“Yeah, what’re ya going to do about it?”

We stared at each other for quite a while, not saying a word.

I think we were both surprised when Mel spoke up, “Hi guys. What have I missed?”

I didn’t know when she’d come in so couldn’t know what she’d missed.

Joe also didn’t answer for a moment. I guess he didn’t know either. But then he put on that strange smile again – the one where he didn’t look happy. “Hey Mel, I was wondering where you were.”

“Just went for a walk,” Mel replied. “You boys seemed to need a bit more time to recuperate.”

I guessed that was a fancy word for cuddling.

Mel went on. “And I wanted to think a bit.”

Joe looked worried for a moment, but brought back that smile and just said, “Great, now you’re back—“

“Tell me, Rick,” Mel cut in, looking me in the eye, with only a slight glance down my naked body. “Why were you really planning to wander aimlessly last night?”

“Because Joe asked me to. He even said ‘please’. Every night from ten to midnight, he wanted the room to himself.”

Mel laughed. “Two hours? Two minutes would’ve done it most nights.”

She thought that very funny, but Joe didn’t.

“Last night was fun,” said Mel, “but I think our little ménage a trois should stay as a once-off.”

“Okay,” said Joe. “I understand.”

I didn’t understand at all. “Manager what?”

Joe rolled his eyes and said, “One-on-one can be a lot nicer. So, Rick, if you wouldn’t mind...”

I didn’t know what I was supposed to not mind.

Mel held a smile for a few moments before saying, “Yes. One-on-one is what I need right now. So, Joe, if you wouldn’t mind leaving the room for a couple of hours, that should give me enough time for everything I want to do with Rick. For this morning, anyway.”

Joe stared at her. “You’d kick me out of my room. What the fuck?”

I thought I’d help. “There’s a new game by the food hall called Space Invaders—“

“Why would you want this fucking moron?” Joe shouted over me.

Mel smiled again. “He’s smart enough to not call me a slut. And his tongue and huge cock gave me more pleasure last night than you’ve given me in all the time we’ve been seeing each other. I guess that pathetic little thing you’ve got doesn’t do it for me. And your tongue’s not much better.”

Joe looked really mad. He clenched his fist and charged towards Mel. Just for a moment, her smile slipped. I reckon he would have punched her too if my fist hadn’t smashed into his jaw first. Then he just went floppy and fell to the floor.

I was defending a woman, so Mama wouldn’t have minded.

Mel stared at Joe on the ground. “Fuck me,” she whispered.

She didn’t say “please”, but I might have still done so, except Joe didn’t look well.

“I think we should get a nurse to look at Joe first. And maybe to look at my hand too. I can go now.” I rushed to the door, but Mel grabbed my arm.

“Um, Rick... Maybe you should put some pants on?” she said with a smile.


I learned a lot at college that year. For a start, that it’s possible to break your hand on someone’s jaw. I needed some help with writing for a few weeks. I couldn’t stroke my dick with that hand, but Mel and her friends helped make sure I didn’t need to.

I also learned that Mel had lots of friends and she wasn’t jealous if they wanted a turn with me. And I learned what frigid meant, and that Lisa most definitely wasn’t that. And that Anita was happy to “share” when people told her the truth.

Joe asked to move rooms after the punch and tried to get me kicked out of the college. But the Dean was a friend of Papa’s, so maybe Papa explained that I was only defending a woman when I broke Joe’s jaw. Anyway, it worked out well for Joe because he then shared a room with a nice guy called Brian and they were a very happy couple for many years.

I didn’t learn much in class, though. But somehow Papa found a few more strings to pull when I failed most of my exams.

When I went home at the end of my freshman year, Mama was not very happy after she asked how many girls I’d dated. I told the truth, of course. “Seven, but there were quite a few others that I didn’t really date. We went straight to bed. But I was nice to them and told them the truth.”

At least Papa finally looked proud of me. I guess he must have found out that I aced the pop quiz on state capitals.

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