"Have you ever wished you could get fucked so hard to the point it feels like you are going to get ripped apart and maybe even die?" I asked before taking another sip of my luke-warm coffee. It was a typical conversation between me and my best friend, Rowan, as we sat in our usual coffee shop. We probably reeked of weed because prior to coming in here we had been sitting in my car for over an hour hotboxing the shit out of some Purple Kush in front of a TJ max that we ended up never even going into.
I had been in a strange mood for weeks now. It probably stemmed from a complete lack of sex which was now causing me major frustration. So sex was officially the only thing on my mind. Everything made me horny. For example, I saw a bike fall from a rack earlier and I thought 'I bet it would feel good to sit on that bike seat and just grind myself into oblivion.' I also found myself checking out literally everyone. I went into a Joann Fabrics and I fucking kid you not I was eyeing all these basic looking moms and thinking' I bet I could make you scream louder than your husband ever could.' Which of course caused my cheeks to glow red.
When my cat meowed and screamed because she was in heat I just looked at her and was like, "You and me both, my furry bitch." I had found myself completely sympathizing with her. We were officially simpatico.
But that wasn't the worst of it. I found myself thinking about clown dick. Seriously how fucking terrifying would it be to get fucked by a guy who decided that being a clown was a good career choice. But for whatever reason, I imagined that clowns had dicks the size of Godzilla's. It was probably the giant shoes and tiny cars.
Now I know that I could go home right now and fingerfuck myself while watching pornhub but it just wasn't the same, Not even Julia Ann could satisfy my lusty cravings.
I also knew that I could go pick someone up or call up an ex and get fucked. But you know what? That just wouldn't fucking cut it either. I needed something different.
"Like by a tree," I faintly heard Rowan saying. I had been drooling at this MILFY Blonde for a few moments now and had practically forgotten where I was. I felt her hand slap my face. "Hello, Ada. I said like a tree. Stop checking out the hallmark moms. It's embarrassing."
I felt my face redden a little, more from embarrassment than her hand. "Ouch, you bitch! What about trees? That they are terrific or something..." I was only faintly interested.
"Well, Lucia says that if you go into the woods and read a certain spell it causes the trees to fuck you. She says there is nothing like getting banged out by a plant. That it makes you more in-tune with yourself and nature."
I had almost forgotten that Rowan worked at the occult store downtown and now fancied herself a witch.
"Banged out doesn't sound like something Lucia would have said." I didn't know Lucia very well but she was pretty proper in her manner of speaking. "She had probably said, "I would make love to a tree," I said before rolling my eyes.
"Well, I don't remember her exact words. Just the important parts, We should try it, Ada. We should borrow Lucia's spellbook and go into the woods. We can even go camping. Come on, it'll be fun." She said the last part with a bit of a nagging tone.
I just stared at her for a long moment before replying, "Are you fucking with me?"
"I'm a witch, Ada. Witches don't fuck around. This is serious, You are undergoing some sort of crisis here and it's my job as your friend to get you past this."
My eyes narrowed a little and I really couldn't decide whether it was the weed speaking or if I had finally just lost my mind completely from lack of sex. Had it been anyone else I'd have decided it was the latter but with Rowan, anything was possible.
"Am I hearing this correctly, Rowan? Your job as a friend is to get me tree fucked?"
"I know it sounds stupid, Ada, but hear me out. There's a tree fetish called dendrophilia. A lot of people have it. It's natural to be attracted to nature. But that's really not the point. You said you needed a good hard fuck. So who better to do it than a tree. There literally is nothing harder. Lucia told me that when witches come of age at sixteen they do a ceremony that involves going into the deepest darkest parts of the forest and reading from a book of spells. Then, when..."
I cleared my throat loudly and interrupted, "You are fucked in the head Rowan. I don't want to get fucked by a tree no matter how horny I am."
"Then don't. Do this for me. I need it in order to become a proper witch," she said her eyes glimmering with hope.
I knew it. There was a catch and it was more than her trying to be a good friend. There was always something more when it came to a plan of Rowan's I found myself silently thinking.
"First of all, you are past sixteen. In fact, you are thirty years old. Which is a bit old for suddenly becoming a witch. Two. What if we get pregnant by the trees and give birth to acorns or something?" The latter part was more of a joke than a real question.
"Okay, no It doesn't matter what age you are. You can become a witch at any time. Don't try to kink shame me, Ada, I didn't try to shame you when you decided to become bisexual a couple of years ago, did I. And, I seriously doubt we would be lucky enough to become pregnant with a tree's baby. If we did though it would be a blessing, not a curse I assure you."
I found myself unable to suppress a laugh. "Kink shame, huh? I didn't know becoming a witch was a kink. I'll have to try looking to see if it's a category on xHamster the next time I go."
I could never say no to Rowan, for whatever reason. It was impossible.
It turns out stealing Lucia's spellbook had been easy. Rowan waited until Friday, which happened to be Lucia's only day off and the one and only day she apparently found faith enough in the powers that be to leave Rowan in her store alone.
We were currently walking through the dense forest. It was a beautiful Spring day and all the grass and leaves were a brilliant shade of emerald green. It was breathtaking and even though I knew that all this witch stuff was a waste of time, I was glad Rowan had talked me into it.
Also, I had scenes from "Stand By Me" running through my head and I wondered which character I was more like. I truly hoped it wasn't Vern but with that said I didn't bring a comb and I didn't even have six cents in my pocket. I found myself reasoning that I was probably the Gordy, out of the two of us, because I liked to write and was often a bit of a buzzkillington. I certainly wasn't badass enough to be Chris and I wasn't quite as crazy as Teddy.
I kind of liked it because every step I took I was deep in nostalgia. When I was younger I practically lived in the woods. I would smoke cigarettes stolen from my dad there and listen to my Discman, where I would go from Pink to Marilyn Manson And with each step I took my cd would skip because the Discman was shit and I was decidedly not nostalgic for it, but what I did miss were the feelings of being alive and carefree where the possibilities stretched out for miles and every one of my friends was adventure-ready. The thing you don't realize is that every time of your life could be the last time.
So right now while it wasn't exactly the same because I had gotten a dose of life's harsh realities, and the song that I had once carried in my heart had turned to static, I knew that this was something I would cherish. I was glad Rowan had moved back after all these years, glad when I found out she hadn't turned into some sort of burned out stay at home mom, whose only life fulfillment was watching Netflix and posting every little thing online.
Suddenly I felt myself smile and I realized something. It wasn't the sex I was missing it was the intimacy and closeness. It was who I used to be. It was living instead of existing.
My thoughts were suddenly interrupted and my smile quickly shattered.
"Ada, I've been meaning to ask how come if you miss sex so much you don't just fuck someone. You could easily you know, I mean sex is literally everywhere you look, Tinder, Grindr, Twitter, Instagram even. Probably some lame-ass vanilla sex over on Facebook. Everyone is a whore and everyone is hot and ready, just like Little Caeser's Pizza."
"That's why. It's everywhere, and also, Grindr is for gay men or sandwiches, probably both even." As usual, I found myself trying to crack a joke hoping to avoid any more questions and I had a feeling I knew what she was going to ask next.
"What happened with you and Mrs. Robinson?"
I looked at her blankly for a moment then realized she was making a reference I, of all people, should have gotten.
"We just ended, sorta. Things are complicated and I still love her, and also she isn't anything like Mrs. Robinson. She's really beautiful and amazing and one of the few things right about my life."
"And now you're going to fuck a tree to get over her," she giggled.
"Seriously, don't giggle, Rowan. I hate women who giggle," I said my eyes narrowing.
"Should I ask why?" she said tilting her head curiously as she looked at me
I almost said you're the witch, figure it out, but instead I answered.
"Because it makes women seem silly and they are instantly less interesting and as soon as they do that I dry up like Tatooine."
"Daaaaaaaaamn, you've become cynical. I would say that you really need to get that pussy fucked up by a nice thick tree, but it kind of seems like you already got a stick up in there."
Instead of getting mad I found myself laughing. "Low blow, but nice."
I was glad she had dropped the subject of my ill-fated romance, though I was realizing something about that. I was going to go full-blown Shaun of the Dead about it, though actually I would probably skip the pub and I didn't have a Philip to kill, but I would try to get her back.
It felt like we had been walking for hours now. My legs were aching, which was probably just a form of punishment for skipping the gym for three weeks and eating pizza instead.
We had both gradually grown silent and the silence was noisy and nerve-wracking so I decided to end it with, "Caw, Caww" I shouted as we ventured further into the forest.
Rowan glared my way. "Why are you doing that." Her tone was filled with annoyance.
"I'm being Carly the Crow," I said with a bit of a chuckle.
"Carly wasn't a crow, he was a fucking cardinal. Now stop, you are ruining the spiritual ambiance."
That only got me laughing more. Rowan took things way too seriously somedays. Especially for a girl who thought she could actually get trees to sex us.
"How much farther do we have to go," I said in a whining tone. Yep, those days of my youth forever walking, never growing tired or sore, they were gone, may they forever rest in peace.
She stopped for a moment and fished out what appeared to be an ancient-looking tome from her bag and opened it, flipping a ways in and then showed me the page. "You aren't a witch so I shouldn't be showing you this," she said her voice filling with the authority of a Wal-Mart greeter who just caught someone without a receipt.
It was a drawing of a gnarled up grotesque and very decayed tree. It appeared to be too gargantuan in size. It had roots that sprawled out everywhere around it.
Just looking at it caused shivers to run through my entire body. "Is that tree okay? It looks like something one should avoid, not fuck. Um... besides I don't have protection big enough for that," I said with a bit of a nervous chuckle.
"Ada, geez. It'll be fine. Once you do this everything will start getting better. Life will suddenly make sense, and your heart won't be in tatters." When she said that her eyes filled up with concern and empathy and I felt my reluctance quickly fade.
'Besides,' I was thinking, 'it's just a tree, and this book its just bullshit. She'll find the tree or one that she thinks is it, because face it a tree that old has probably long since become lumber or mulch, read from Lucia's book,and nothing will happen.'
We continued walking, dodging brambles, and watching squirrels run around busily. The forest was growing darker as we ventured deeper. I couldn't really tell if it was because of the time or just the fact that there were so many trees.
I yawned "Maybe we should set up a camp now, then look for the tree tomorrow."
She shook her head. "No, we can't do that, the spell calls for it to be Midnight the witching hour and there needs to be a full moon. Which if I am correct there is supposed to be one tonight. So the best thing to do is to keep walking and locate the tree while there is light then wait for it to get dark and then begin."
"Ugh, okay then. I am real tired. I really could use some Dunkaroos and an Ecto Cooler."
"Neither of which still exists," Rowan scoffed rolling her eyes.
"Well, I thought since you are a witch you could conjure them up or something. Also, apparently Dunkaroos are scheduled for a come back this year, So that's part of what I remind myself every day when I wake up and hate life," I said, only sort of half-joking.
"Piss off, with the witch jokes. In a while you won't be laughing at me anymore," she said scowling.
"Question though, isn't it dangerous to be stealing a spellbook from a witch. Couldn't she sense that you took it and come and check?" I found myself asking and I was a bit worried. I mean you never know and better safe than sorry.
"I thought that all through. She actually has the store closed on Saturday to go visit her sister who is sick or something, Besides what could happen if she did find out?" she said shrugging her shoulders.
"I don't know,Rowan, she is apparently a witch. she could put a curse on us or something like that." I couldn't believe I had just uttered those words it was cringey.
Rowan laughed. "You don't believe in all of this stuff, Ada. Besides, we are Millennials. How much more cursed can we get."
I had to agree. As Bill Paxton once said, "Game over, man. Game over."
My knees were seriously killing me, but luckily just as I was about to open my mouth once more to complain and demand we rest, I heard her loud, excited announcement. "The Sacred Tree!" she proclaimed her voice practically radiating in pleasure.
I looked up from the ground I had been staring at for a while and found myself staring at the biggest tree I had ever seen in my life. It was all gnarled up even more so than in the drawing and had the stench of corpse decay about it. Nothing about that tree said sacred or felt holy. it didn't feel like it would make me more in tune with my life or whatever it was Rowan had said it would do. it felt more like it would suck the life right out of me. The tree looked hungry like it hadn't had a single meal in years. But of course, I was letting my imagination get the best of me. There is no such thing as an evil tree.
It was as if Rowan could sense my fear. "Love the tree, Ada, and the tree will love you back," she said her voice changing to a whispering lullaby.
It had suddenly grown dark all around us except for the light of the full moon that glowed above the trees. it cast shadows all around us, And I heard the distinct sound of an owl nearby and the sounds of the mournful coyotes singing their nightly song. It felt like a whole different world out here. I wanted to speak up and tell her I didn't need this anymore but I remembered that I had agreed to do this for her, and not myself.
"You ready?" she asked. It was more of a statement than a question
I nodded. "What am I supposed to do," I asked quietly. "Do I take off my clothes or is the tree going to do that for me?" I said smiling weakly
Rowan shook her head. "This isn't the Evil Dead. This tree has manners."
'How the fuck does she know that. This tree didn't have shit but rot and decay. It was ready for the mulch bin at Home Depot,' but I quickly let that thought go.
"Take off all your clothes and strip down until all that you are wearing is your soul. Then stand in front of the tree and kneel. Offer yourself."
I wasn't sure why but the moment I laid my eyes upon that foul-smelling and horribly corrupt looking tree I had begun to feel uneasy. If it were possible for trees to be malicious then this tree was certainly that, but I'd have to admit that to Rowan who would never let me hear the end of it, and what's more, she was my Sandbox, Playing with Barbie's, First Kiss Best Friend. That was the strongest type of friendship. Much stronger than any I had since. I would just have to hope that it was all complete bullshit. Then we could get on with the night and eat s'mores and I could read Scary Stories to tell in the dark to her. Just like we used to when we stayed the night at each other's houses.
"Well?" Rowan asked impatiently. "Why are you just standing there? Get to stripping. We are on the clock here," she said, looking up and noting the position of the moon.
I began removing my clothes. I could practically feel her eyes looking through me as I pulled off one piece of clothing slowly at a time. After what seemed a nerve-wracking lifetime, I was finally naked and shivering. Goosebumps had started forming on my arms and thighs. I took a deep breath for bravery and stepped closer to the tree until I was at its enormous phallic base with its twisted sprawling roots. The moon was shining eerily on the tree illuminating it in a dread light. I looked back at Rowan for a moment and gulped before reluctantly lowering myself to the surprisingly cold damp ground. I pressed my hands and knees into the dirt. The strong earthy scent of decaying moss began filling my nostrils.
I looked up at the Tree once more which towered above me like an all-powerful deity of the forest. I felt a cold electric shiver run through my body, quickly I bowed my head down.
Rowan began to read, her voice changing into something almost unrecognizable.
"Tearg sitirips fo emit dna erutan reah ym llac I gnirb htrof rof ouy siht thgin a ecifircas. Ekat reh, reh tirips, reh luos, dna tnarg em eht srewop fo eht kcalb nevoc!"
A long moment passed. Nothing happened. Then I noticed that every sound in the forest had stopped, and even Rowan had grown silent. I was feeling relieved. Nothing had happened after all. But just as I was about to stand up and begin putting my clothes on the ground began to rumble and shake. I almost screamed in terror at what I saw next but I couldn't make a sound. All the trees in the forest were no longer still but had begun to rock back and forth ominously.
The tree's giant roots had begun to free themselves from the earth and were lifting and slithering towards me like bark-covered snakes. My whole body was trembling, and my heart had begun to pound as loud as a drum in my chest.
I tried to stand up but my legs had turned to jelly. I was frozen on the cold forest floor with shock and horror. The vines had crept closer to me and were now wrapping themselves all around me. One had begun to twist around my throat while the others began to wrap themselves tightly around my entire body binding me. Branches moved and caressed my skin. I could feel the rough bark scraping against my entire body as the tree began to lift me upwards suspending me in the air. I felt its leaves begin to run across my nipples instantly causing them to harden betraying me.
A soft moan of pleasure escaped my lips as one of the trees many branches had found its way between my legs and was now slowly running itself over my now glistening and swollen cunt lips, causing me to squirm despite the constraints.
Suddenly I found myself wondering if it would hurt when it penetrated or if somehow because it was apparently an enchanted tree that it would continue to feel good. I was obviously hoping for the latter. Clearly, it had been way too long between fuckings.
It almost felt like the branches had turned to fingers as they explored my body, leaving no part of me untouched. My body was filled with electric pleasure static, and everything felt unreal.
Without warning the tree had moved its limb that was currently playing with my aching pussy and then quickly snapped back, slapping at my cunt, causing me to let out a loud scream of pain and pleasure. My clit felt like it was now completely on fire as the tree continued its merciless spanking. Its rough bark scraping against my lips and clit, causing me to quiver. It was giving me pleasure I had never even dreamed of.
My body was writhing, and had the tree not been holding me firmly in its possessive and firm grasp I would have probably found myself on the ground. But its vines were clinging to me in a lover's passionate embrace.
I was moaning louder with each movement of the tree. "Oh, My FUCKING God!" I screamed out as the tree continued its endless torment. I was becoming increasingly needier. "Fuck me, I want to feel your thick branches sinking inside my needy empty cunt, fill me." Those were words I never imagined I would say, but here I was quite shamelessly saying them.
The Tree, as if understanding, suddenly thrust its way into my tight but soaking cunt, causing me to gasp as I began to get filled completely. Its vines had begun pulling and tugging at my nipples teasing me. So many sensations were flooding my body and that familiar hot numb sensation to the brain had begun, and I knew it wouldn't be long now before I was squirting all over the place. Rowan had better watch out if she didn't want to be showered in my hot girl cum.
I had actually almost forgotten her and the thought of her watching me would normally have made me blush. But I felt almost drugged. The intoxication was mind-blowing.
My moans had turned to loud lust-filled animal-like screams. As the tree began to pound in and out of me, twisting inside of me as it did, I could feel it rubbing against my G-spot, causing my entire body to twitch and tingle.
My juices were flooding rapidly now and I could hear the lewd wet gushing sounds as the branch fucked in and out harder and deeper like a big thick cock. My legs were now spread wide completely exposing my cunt, the branch that was currently working my pussy over somehow began to throb inside of me, and it felt like it was growing like a cock that's reaching its exploding point.
I let out a scream as I felt it. I was being flooded by the tree's hot sticky sap. It was filling me with it, splattering my walls and filling my womb, and I was cumming. Screaming louder than I ever had in my life as my muscles tightened around the branch inside me, before releasing and squirting all over, drenching the tree and the showering the ground all around me.
" Oh fuck... I cannot believe a tree just made me cum so hard."
My body was in spasms as I struggled to get my breath. I wondered when the tree was going to put me down. I didn't have to wonder long because when I managed to shyly look down at Rowan she began speaking.
"In a moment now, I'll say goodbye to you. My final goodbye," She said her voice as sharp as nails and cutting into me.
"What do you mean? Say goodbye," I found myself uttering nervously, completely flabbergasted.
"I left out part of what happens at the ceremony when I talked you into this. I couldn't, of course, tell you the truth. You would never sacrifice your life for me. No matter how good of friends you think we are."
My heart had nearly stopped. She was joking, right? Not after what had just happened.
She flipped a page over in Lucia's book and held it up to me. it was a different picture of the same tree but in that picture, it wasn't withered and gnarled up. It was in fact the most beautiful tree I had ever seen.
"You see, Ada, In order to become a full-fledged witch you have to sacrifice someone you love to this tree. It has to eat and be strong. The entire coven has been feeding it their friends and loved ones for centuries now. Every one of us must give back to nature and respect it. It just so happens this tree is also highly sexual and likes to fuck its victims before devouring them and rejuvenating."
"I can't believe you would do this to me. Just to become a stupid fucking witch!" I blurted out feeling angry and hurt all at the same time.
"Ada, calm your tits. What's done is done. The stronger the love, the stronger the sacrifice. You should be happy for me. I am going to be able to do great things. My entire life is going to be different and all made possible by you."
"Rowan, We have been friends almost our entire lives. You are going to feel bad about this for the rest of your life. Besides, do great things? You aren't exactly acting like a good witch right now."
Rowan let out an amused laugh. "Ada, you don't think I haven't thought all this through? I know I am probably going to feel bad, also good and bad? That's cliché."
I found myself twisting and turning trying to break away from the monstrous tree ready to consume me just so my so-called best friend could become some sort of satanic panic nightmare.
Rowan shook her head. "Might as well forget trying to escape. You can't fight magic."
The tree had finally withdrawn its branch that was inside of me. I could feel the sap begin to drip out of me.
"He must really have enjoyed that snug muggle cunt of yours. I have never seen him fill someone so full of his tree jizz."
I glared down at her. "Muggles? Are you fucking serious?? Wait, you've seen this before!?"
She nodded. "I have seen it dozens of times. After all, Lucia is my grandmother."
The revelation stunned me, but the realization that she and Lucia had the same eyes quickly sank in.
"This is part of my heritage, this is my destiny. I love you, Ada. goodbye." She said that last part with a bit of genuine sadness but it didn't melt away the anger and resentment I was feeling.
"You can go fuck yourself, you stupid fucking cunt. In fact, your whole miserable coven can go fuck themselves. If I fucking die I can guarantee your ass I'll be back and I'll fucking haunt you and kill every last one of you. And, what's more, don't use dumbass Harry Potter words with me."
"I understand you feeling angry and resentful but I fully doubt that you have it in you to come back as a ghost. But if you do then you deserve your revenge. Also, don't worry I'll make sure to take care of your cat. She's always liked me."
With that she vanished into the fog that had begun to rise, and I let out one more "FUCK YOU" before the tree pulled me away swallowing me whole before letting out a loud contented burp.
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